Category Archives: Editorial

Flying While Female? Watch Out!

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Some TSA Officer’s aren’t pedophiles. That’s right: Some of our men and women with shiny badges aren’t interested in children, they’re interested in red-blooded grown American women!

Our friend Christopher Elliot writes:

The TSA has a thing for female passengers, a fact that any employee would be hard-pressed to deny. Agents have a disturbingly extensive vocabulary to describe beautiful passengers, including words like “Alfalfa,” “Code Red,” and “Hotel Bravo” (get it — Hot Babe?).

TSA agents apparently don’t flirt with attractive females, they “engage.” And when they talk about an “X-ray” they aren’t necessarily referring to a controversial full-body scanner; “X-ray” is screener-speak for, you guessed it, an attractive female passenger.

In his column “Flying While Female? 5 Things To Remember At The Airport” Elliot mentions some tips for women flying. While some of his ideas, such as the one to “dress down” may be of dubious merit, I’d certainly heed his advice not to get a private screening! You want them to be out in public, not behind closed doors.

Does the TSA call deaf people names, on the theory that they can’t hear them?

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We’re going to stretch a bit for today’s post. We usually stick to criminal convictions, sentencings, or issues that have been confirmed with a preponderance of evidence and avoid he-said-she-said stories.

But this story was picked up on The Atlantic blog, and many news sources. TSA, of course, is denying it.

The story goes like this:

While I was going through the TSA, some of them started laughing in my direction. I thought it might’ve been someone behind me, but I found out otherwise.

They went through my bag (for no reason), and found a couple bags of candy I brought. I was told I wasn’t allowed to fly with that (wtf? I’ve flown with food before — these were even sealed still because I brought them right in the airport). I was then asked if I would like to donate the candy “To the USO”. Since I know the airport there has an Air National Guard base, and I figured it would go to the soldiers, I (annoyed) said sure, why not?

The guards, as I was getting scanned, started eating the candy they just told me was for the soldiers. In front of me, still laughing at me (very clearly now). One of them asked why they were laughing, and one of them came up to me, pointed at my shirt, laughed at me and said, “Fucking deafie“. The Louisville TSA called me a “fucking deafie” and laughed at me because I was deaf, and they expected wouldn’t say anything back (or wouldn’t hear them). Make no bones about it — she was facing me and I read her lips. There was no mistake. I would later find out that they had called at least 4 other individuals the same thing.

I have no idea how the passenger knew they called 4 other passengers the same thing; but let’s just consider the things that we’re directly witnessed by this passenger.

  • The TSA was laughing at the checkpoint. That’s inappropriate. If they want to make jokes, they should be working at a comedy club
  • The TSA was eating candy that was confiscated from passengers bags.

Even if we give assume that this passenger mis-read the TSA Officer’s lips and the officer actually said “Have a nice day, dearie” (for example), laughing and eating candy instead of expediting passengers is wrong.

And that’s enough for me to call the TSA out on this one.

The TSA, of course, denies everything, but hasn’t released the video footage. The passenger was an individual who frequently blogs about deaf issues, and was attending a conference for deaf people. We can’t just dismiss his claims completely based on the TSA’s response. Of course, even hearing people misinterpret what people say; that’s why we made our determination that the TSA acted inappropriately based solely on what this passenger saw the TSA do.

And since we’ve had the TSA laugh at us, Shiny Badge knows that mocking passengers and laughing at them is something that the TSA does.

Christopher Elliot on iPad Theft

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Travel Writer Christopher Elliot has a column today on the TSA’s addiction to passenger’s iPads.

Read it in the Huffington Post.

Why are iPads like crack to TSA Officers? As Elliot says:

Well, they’re the perfect item to plunder. They’re relatively compact, they’re sought-after and there’s a robust, no-questions-asked market for used iPads online. Oh, and they’re pretty easy to steal. Since TSA doesn’t require them to be removed during screening, passengers often pack them away in their carry-on bag and forget them.

There’s a poll there, too, so be sure to vote against iPad theft! (I’d image the 1% that are voting for it work at the DHS.)

 

The Real Story Behind the Mayonnaise Smuggler

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The TSA has been thumping its chest about catching a dangerous terrorist who tried to smuggle a Leatherman brand utility tool in a jar of mayonnaise. He was so dangerous that he wasn’t charged with a crime and was allowed to board the plane.

Shiny Badge understands this man. The TSA loves to steal these tools. A Google Search for “Leatherman Knife Stolen from Luggage” shows dozens of examples of people who lost their knives in checked luggage. For people who work for a living (unlike the TSA folks), access to tools is essential.

In fact, it’s such a common problem that if you look at Leatherman multi-tools on Amazon, you’ll see this curious note:

 

That’s right! Apparently many people use the mayo trick to carry their knives. The mistake our Mayo Terrorist made is not checking the jar of mayonnaise. (Though we wouldn’t put it past the TSA to eat a jar of mayo! Have you seen some of these folks?)

Our Imperious TSA

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Our friends at Jalopnik uncovered a doozy in a TSA Craigslist ad. No, they weren’t advertising stolen iPads for sale, or sex parties. They were advertising for employees.

The ad read, in part:

[Be a] part of a imperious security team protecting airports and skies as you proudly establish your future.

Since I’m sure all Shiny Badge readers aced their SATs and know what “imperious” means, I won’t insult you by telling you. However, about 5% of the traffic to Shiny Badge comes from the TSA and the Department of Homeland Security. So for them, as reported by Jalopnik:

The Dictionary.com definition of imperious is “domineering in a haughty manner; dictatorial; overbearing.” The definition from Google is even better, describing it as “assuming authority without justification.”

See Jalopnik for the complete story (and a great photo!).